vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
