I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
