Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
