The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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