reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
