Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
