I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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