This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
