Joe is yelling at the trees again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
