My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
