a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
