Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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