My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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