my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
