definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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