If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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