Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
