I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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