How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
