he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I love you.
Bad choice
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
