Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
