dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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