I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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