he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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