Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They took my balls.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
