I wannas sexs uuuuu
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
