please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
