The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
