no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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