im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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