Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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