He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
