He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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