Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
