I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
PANTIES FOUND
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
