Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
