I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
