Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
