I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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