I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
