Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im holly from the hills drunk
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
