We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
