I just saw a hot homeless man
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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