she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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