Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
