What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
