I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my being single is dangerous.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
