mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's never too late to be topless.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
