how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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