New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
