Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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