Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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