DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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