I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
