sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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