New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
