new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
