put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
