My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
