so explain again why im purple
no
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
