I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
