I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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