I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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