he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
