Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
