its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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