Already got asked if we're dating
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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