Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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