Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
