I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
