You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
