so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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