I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
