I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
