Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
