cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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