You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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