i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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