from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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