I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
