You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
